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The Cozy Spot

8 posts categorized "Liaisons"

June 16, 2008

"I can be whatever you want me to be"

I’ve added a little widget on the left sidebar and despite the number of subscribers and whatnot of this blog, I’m surprised I have one suggestion. The widget is a topic suggestion box that enables anyone to suggest a topic. The reason behind adding this widget relates to the three year duration of this blog and the fact that I don’t expect people to go back through archives to read stuff. Shit, I can’t be bothered navigating through blog archives dating back three years.

The first suggested topic is my first internet date. Whoever suggested this, thank you very much but you’ll probably be as disappointed as I was during my first internet date. I wouldn’t call it a date. It was my first meet up with a person who had provided salacious flirtation via a chat room. They used an enigmatic user name and had -what I thought as a chat neophyte, back then - a way with erotic words. I realized this wasn’t the case a few years later, but during the time I thought ‘oh wow.’

One’s first experience with cyber sex can be more memorable than the first physical sexual experience and this is probably due to the intellectual aspect of the encounter. First time sex, or the clumsy deflowering moment is often filed away in the ‘too cringe worthy to recall’ drawer, but the first cyber sexual experience works on the intellectual as well as the physical - especially if it unfolds in a public place. You can’t relieve the sexual itch in a public library.

When the day of the meeting arrived - weeks after - the anticipation was as tight as a girdle, doing horrible things to my insides. I felt giddy, my stomach filled with wasps by the time I entered the venue with a friend. I brought her for moral support. What if I fainted or started speaking in tongues? I was so naïve. Silly almost. For some reason - the internet was completely new, I was an internet virgin - I projected all my sexual ideals toward this male stranger. He told me where he’d be at a particular time, and he also gave me specific details about his attire.

The music pulsed through the venue, and I tottered on my heels with my friend in tow. She scanned the venue, pointed toward the bar and looped her arm through mine.

“That way.”

She was as excited as me. We both walked on clouds. She didn’t know about internet flirtation before my experience, and thought it novel. This was 1999 after all, and Australians were quite new to the internet. We approached the bar, and we scanned each person. When I isolated the flirtatious virtual satyr, I was taken by surprise.

“Is that him?” my friend asked, her eyes widening in disbelief.
“It can’t be,” I said, feeling a hand twist my intestines. I wanted to turn round and walk out.
“It has to be. He’s the only one fitting the description.”

Thin, as in skinny, and adorned in a casual outfit - off white linen shirt and baggy jeans.

We approached him, introduced ourselves and received confirmation. We were polite, and I was more than polite. I tried to generate conversation, but his small stature and his overly effeminate - all right - ‘out there closet gay’ status floored me.

I felt cheated. I wondered why a gay man would go through all that trouble to flirt with a woman on the internet. Perhaps it was a practical joke of sorts - something that offended me somewhat. Of course, he denied his sexual orientated. He denied it for weeks, but over the weeks we’d see him in the same nocturnal hangouts with an entourage of boys. He was in his mid thirties, and the average age of his boy entourage was nineteen - all out there, proud, and somewhat more comfortable with their sexuality.

I decided, at that point, never to waste my time online flirting with males or bothering with the entire chat-flirt-online cyber thing.

Huge disappointment, then again, it’s better to experience it earlier rather than later. I learned one important thing -where internet flirtation is concerned. Few things appear to be what they actually are and I should have cottoned onto that when the male ‘flirt’ wouldn’t describe himself further or reveal his age. Instead, it was the typical absurd:

“I can be whatever you want me to be.”

And that’s the thing about internet flirtation. People can be whatever others want them to be, acting a specific role, until it all falls apart in the stark light of day.

If you have a topic suggestion: leave it here.

July 16, 2007

Life's Little Sexual Introspections

I thought I was a step ahead, two actually, but he was far more advanced than me and this realization dawned later, and it came to mind as I really forced my ass down this weekend to continue with one large project, and two erotic short stories. I think the erotic stories kicked it off, because I had to travel to The Place in order to create the sexual ambience.

One of his first affirmations, once we shifted our communiqué away from the PC, astounded me. I wasn’t sure if it was a joke, or an arrogant aside. It jolted me because no one I’d come across made such an admission.

“I’m not the type of person who dates on the Internet,” but he just happened to do it, stumbled across the new wave and thought he’d give it a whirl. Is there a specific type, I wonder? Sometimes I think there is, particularly when a person is a serial online dater. I can appreciate people with children using this medium, but I’ve had difficulty understanding why a single unit or a person with no kids or big arsed responsibilities (such as children) uses the Internet to date and the thought is due to the single person always having more time to date (compared to one who has to juggle a job, children and domestic responsibilities, who also has to make arrangements prior to leaving the house). So no, I’m no sympathy mama when single units (male or female) whine about the difficulty of it all. I just think they’re plain lazy, insecure and expect everything to be delivered to them like an Amazon package. I often feel like telling the person who goes on and on about the difficult of actually meeting a potential lover, partner and so on, ‘it’s not like you have to arrange a sitter in advance, thereby nullify spontaneity, so shut your cake hole.’

Continue reading "Life's Little Sexual Introspections" »

April 10, 2007

Liaisons: the Online Sheik

I was bound to come across this type sooner or later. He is the type who posts a dating profile and is courteous enough to include a picture of himself - with another woman or, better yet, women. I have to confess that I can’t discuss this type based on physical experience because I couldn’t bring myself to get really personal with them.

This profile works for two sets of people: women with low self esteem and swingers (who don’t mind a second, third or fourth person in the profile picture). If the profile belongs to a swinger, or a person who has ticked the ‘swinging’ option, then it’s logical, but when a single bloke, one who states they want one-on-one relationships, adds this type of picture to his profile then you have to ask yourself what they’re trying to prove? People think it's really easy to score online, but it's far from easy, particularly if seasoned virtual daters are viewing profiles and have become so seasoned they can qualify as proofreaders, translating things you wouldn't dream they'd translate.

Based on the ‘picture says a thousand words’ rule, the picture with ‘girlfriend’ image says one thing: ‘I am attractive.’ But really, what it truly says is: ‘I am so attractive I, at one time, was porking the girl standing next to me in this picture.’ Yep, that’s how elegant it can be.

For all you know, the woman probably wound up in the picture by chance so her presence is no huge deal. But you do ask yourself whether there’s a possibility you’ll end up on your former lover’s, friend’s or neighbors dating profile as a visual referee of sorts.

I’d avoid these types like the plague. I wouldn’t accepted their chat invitations, because I didn’t want to be placed in the ‘what did you think of my profile photo?’ predicament.

That being said, I do think that the online dating industry is in dire need of profile writers or let’s say, profile ‘designers,’ because there are people out there that are simply hideous when it comes to setting out their dating profile. A dating profile is important. It’s as though they’re cardboard boxes sitting on a supermarket shelf that contain the same ingredients or food additives half the time, and when you eye the profile picture with the ‘mysterious’ woman it goes downhill from there.

I’ve never met a woman who has adored being a ‘number two’ or a ‘standby woman.’ It goes against the grain of positive self esteem to begin with.

As for me, if my final choices for sex in this world lay between the Online Sheik and masturbation, I’d take latter. Less stress. Even now, in 2007, years after the Liaisons phase of my life, I’d still take self service over dating anyone from an adult online dating site because I go into post-online date traumatic stress syndrome mode each time any person suggests it for me (at work, friends, etc).

‘Have you tried RSVP?’

-shudder, spit, shudder…malaise…

April 01, 2007

Liaisons: The Casual Equation

The one annoyance, for me, relates to those who join adult dating sites, sites that are finely tuned for casual relationships (read: sex), where members self-talk themselves into the idea that they’re looking for a meaningful relationship. Sure, they advertise that they’re simply looking for sex, but they need to add additional layers to make themselves feel better about the idea, because they’re not comfortable with the idea to begin with. Keep in mind, at this point of my life I was thirty, not a teenager. I wouldn't advise any sexual newcomer to explore adult dating sites.

I don’t know, but most profiles on adult dating sites often include personal disclaimers such as, ‘I'm not for a long time, but a good time,’ or something along those lines, and this is all fine and well, but there are people who include that sentiment on their profile, and then, once you meet them, come across as a clinging vine. They, all of a sudden, express their wish list, that’s a mile long.

‘No I don’t have sex straight away. I like to wait.’

What for, may I ask, the Second Coming of Christ?

Continue reading "Liaisons: The Casual Equation" »

March 21, 2007

Liaisons: 'V'

The letter V doesn’t stand for Victory, ‘V’ - the film, Virility, or Voluptuous (a common term women use on dating profiles, that’s synonymous with ‘overweight’ - don’t jump on me, that’s based on guys I’ve talked to over the years, and their interpretation). I got fed up with dicking around, and thought I’d log on purely for adult fun; less hassles I thought, and decided to take the ball, run and go on the first date. If I only knew now, what I didn’t know then, I’d have saved myself the trouble but one can only learn from disastrous first dates.

One thing I’d really watch out for, especially after I’d step in it, were the tiny details. All persistence aside, the little details on a profile can really make or break any date or future (that’s if it shifts beyond the first date) time spent with the virtual person of one’s clicking dreams.

V, in this case, stands for vegan. This term didn’t matter much in the early stages, but after the meet up, after an hour searching high and low for a vegan hangout, I’d given up.

Continue reading "Liaisons: 'V'" »

February 26, 2007

Liaisons: Exposed

My experience with S more or less led me to the conclusion, which I still maintain today, of the Internet providing another – perhaps easier – gateway to sex. Prior to S, my first older female-younger male thing, I broke the sexual drought with A. I’ve documented that period in parts but I don’t think I detailed the specifics of the meeting and that’s partially due to the stigma attached to meeting people online. Mind, I wasn’t actively dating or perusing online dating profiles at this point, I was still engaged – in what I thought to be – in socializing, and came across A.

Regardless of the rising popularity of online dating, and/or online testimonials of relationship Netdate success, the method isn’t discussed openly. I still blanch each time people ask me questions (within my real world) about my online experiences. I’m not embarrassed, but I am; I feel I could have done better at the time, and that I let myself down by conforming to a particular social fad that’s geared toward making money more than anything else. One seldom hears conversations at the water cooler about virtual dates or online dating sites. The only time people ‘talk’ at length about these types of dates is online, well away from their everyday acquaintances and/or family members. I’ve known friends, who’ve used online personals, but they’d need to have their teeth extracted before they discuss it at length; they’ll briefly allude to it, and change the subject. Other times they’ll downplay that particular phase of their lives (like I used to do), and classify it as one of the most stupid phases of their lives that offered little personal growth and oodles of anguish.

Continue reading "Liaisons: Exposed" »

February 24, 2007

Liaisons: Popping the Virtual Cherry

The pursuit of knowledge offers a person more freedom than the shackles of social custom: to grow up, court, marry/co-habit and procreate are all embedded in the thing known as routine. These elements are shadowed by other sub-elements: socializing, functions, arguments and rituals are all part and parcel of routine, they’re threaded into social and cultural networks, and if one doesn’t stop to evaluate these things every so often, time dissolves, and one may wonder where it all goes.

Does one really desire these things, or are they absorbed like routine Brand X cereal each morning; something one has to have? The difference between the two, cereal and routine, depends on various factors. Cereal provides immediate nourishment, while the other may or may not nourish over the long term. Perhaps it’s a harsh conclusion to make, but people aren’t meant to utter their doubts, especially when those doubts relate to family, marriage and a lifetime of small sacrifices, that form the long train of routine. It’s all great if the comfort of routine resonates within one’s soul, but if it doesn’t? Moreover, what if uncertainty exists? One may feel uncertain, or clueless. Perhaps one is searching for that vocation, making a fresh start.

I could function as a young parent and this wasn’t bothersome, but the expectations I had to live up to in the microcosm of my culture didn’t appeal; questions rolled through day after day. Moreover, why did we ignore marriage? Why were we merely living together? Surely we could get married, ‘to give the child a name,’ like the child was branded X or something.

When the time came to enter further study, people around us questioned it all; a young mother couldn’t balance it all. After all, who would do the housework?

Continue reading "Liaisons: Popping the Virtual Cherry" »

Liaisons - Intro

Liaisons: Entering the Arachno-Web

As far as I’m concerned a new sexual era opened up when satellites, and telephone network exchanges enabled the Internet -initially a military tool - embraced the wider population; the freedom it offered, enabling humble everyday citizens and businesses to fly aloft, took the world by storm, and still does. Now we have moved beyond dial up connections, entering wireless Speak. There is satellite, ADSL/Broadband and cable; the ancient relic of dialup is something one may laugh at if one comes across it.

“You haven’t got broadband?” is a common question. Convenience, and fast information, is important; one need not wait twenty seconds for a dodgy page to load before sighing in disappointment. One click and its gone, one click and we are off somewhere else, one click and we may even locate a potential screw.

Tradition is the cornerstone of all relationships within my family, where most adults have met their partners the conventional way. It was all about introductions, where each individual was vouched for by a complete family, where one set of parents mingled with another set of parents, to produce the ideal union. Such unions were not based on whether a young adult found their potential partner sexually attractive. This didn’t play a large role in the scope of everything: home, family, work, and last but not least, survival.

A woman, for example, wasn’t noted for her ass or her gravity defying tits. In the era of the single income family, where men earned that single income, it was important for the female to know how to manage a household, cleanliness was not about godliness, it spoke volumes about being civilized. The things that unfolded within the bedroom where sacred, and privy to the couple in question. If one’s sexual life fizzled, it didn’t matter. Sex, a perfunctory act, continued the line by virtue of reproduction and if it did matter, it wasn’t discussed. One’s successful sexual life was based on luck than anything else, besides this, a woman or man usually slept with the intended spouse on the wedding night so there was no yardstick with which to evaluate sexual skill and repertoire; today, people are spoilt for choice, and sometimes aren’t fully certain if they like a particular sex act. Other times people engage in something for the sake of sexual conversation or braggadocio.

Continue reading "Liaisons - Intro" »

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