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1 post categorized "public nudity"

May 06, 2008

Streak, Jiggle, Wobble & Bounce

Cricket There is nothing that creates a frisson of panic than a streaker interrupting a sports match. When Australian cricketer Andrew Symond's transformed into a Gladiator and shoved a streaker at during a tri-nation cricket match recently, people watched it on the news repeatedly. I lost count how many times I watched it cover news breaks that day, and I wasn't sure where my sympathies resided. I could understand Symonds' irritation, having his batting interrupted by a naked bloke, and I felt for the naked dude - it would have hurt to have a fully armed cricketer give him a shove, but the bottom line -for me anyway - was the game of Cricket. It's about as exciting as watching paint dry. But for many avid cricket fans, 'it simply wasn't cricket,' to see a nude bloke nearing the pitch.Golf

Another sport that deserves a good streak is golf. Golf is sooooo exciting that it needs a dose of public nudity to break the monotony. I mean, whoever thought of slow motion replays for golf? Are they serious? You honestly tell me: Is it more exciting watching golf (and slow motion golf replays) or watching the streaking chickie babe with the flag, streaking across the golf course at the British Open Golf Championship (pictured)?

What makes a good streaker?

Few wobbly bits. You can't have too much jiggle get in the way of a good streak. After all, you need the speed to race through the playing field to avoid cops and security personnel, who eventually tackle you, but fewer pounds and lean muscle mean a little more streak-time.

Being porky is a disadvantage, but not only that, it can return years later to haunt you and raise the question of 'what was I thinking? Those jocks look like pre-shrunk Streaker_2 Speedos, and shit, is my dick that small?' A lot like the dude to the left with the Union Jack undies.

It's heartening to know that public nudity causes a scandal and almost brings a sports match to a standstill. Is there a sportsman or woman, who hasn't been graced with a streaker? Even Tiger Wood's has had the privilege of a woman in black lingerie (a tame streaker if there ever was one).

Now if only someone would kindly streak through a lawn bowls tournament. That would be interesting, then again, it may be a health hazard to subject someone in their twilight years to a set of bouncing balls and boobs.

What compels people to streak and reveal their private bits to a huge (and I'm guessing, critical) live audience? Do they do it for validation? For a bit of a stir? As a form of social protest? It could be a combination of anything really. Some have used their bodies as a form of protest, writing statements on their flesh to further a cause, and others are clearly in lurve with their targets and it can be like a fan letter gone pear shaped, really. Instead of being tame and writing, Dear Tiger I really admire the way you wield a nine iron, it's the 'Hey Tiger, look at my boobs!'

Is it a visual assault? It could be. Although I mock sports like cricket and golf, the people playing these sports professionally have spent years refining their skills and it is a job to them. They're focusing on their game, and it is just like me focusing on what I'm doing, for someone to interrupt that focus and for me to enter rabid, 'get the fuck out of here before I kill you,' mode and I suppose I'd feel the same way if I was trying to push my wobbly shopping cart through the supermarket aisles and a streaker materialized in front of me. So I can understand the frustration, but it's funny to watch because a part of me cannot believe the lengths people will go to in order to flaunt their jiggly bits, but I do confess to a wish of seeing a streaker interrupt Maria Sharapova's grunt. It drives me nuts having to hear her during the Australian Open.

With the amount of jiggle, wobble and bounce, streaking could become a sport.







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